Monday, August 18, 2008

What's so funny?

(This post is in honor of my friend Melanie)
I admit, I have a cruel streak in me. I get a chuckle at other's people's expense. I bet you do too. So, wanna know what's funny?

When you see someone leaving a store walking through a parking lot and they go up to the wrong car and think it's theirs. And they click the remote unlock button as they are walking up to the car and nothing happens. But the lights on THEIR car a few isles away are flashing. And they are all confused and start trying to open the door handle. "Huh, why won't my car door open?" But DUH its not their car!!!!! They look inside the window. "Huh where is my stuff and why is the interior of my car brown not blue?" They slowly back away from the car when they realize it's not theirs. And then they look around to see if anyone saw them winning the award for dumbass of the year. At this point I'm about rolling on the pavement in hysterics. AHHHHHH!!!!!
I have a family member who did this with me once and we laughed about it for hours.

What else?
Today I went to put gas in my car. Gas prices are so not funny. But this is. This lady pulls her car up to a pump with a bright red bag over the gas handle. She gets out of her car. Hello, bag on handle. Puts her credit card into the pump. Bag still there. Scratches her head why it won' take her card. Pushes the attendant call button and asks what the problem is. When the guys says, "The pump is broken!" She looks all annoyed. Then looks around to see if anyone saw her win runner up for dumbass of the year. I saw it and yes I laughed.

Another thing.
When someone trips. Not the kind of trip and fall that results in injury. (I've certainly been there and done that!) But the kind where they just kind of skip over their feet. It's only funny when it's someone who thinks they are so cool. Like a person in a business suit or a woman who is totally hot. It's the best when this kind of trip reminds them that they are not as cool as they think they are...they are just a regular dumbass like the rest of us. I love when they try and pretend like it didn't happen and keep on walking. But oh no...I saw it...I know it happened and I'm calling you out on it! I admire people with two left feet.

One more thing.
Farting. Have you ever been in a meeting or a family function and someone farts? But nobody says anything about it? But you know everybody heard it. And you are the fartee going to own up to it? Say excuse me? How can they just carry on business as usual when they just floated an air biscuit with noise? It's like a pink elephant in the room.
This is why I love kids. There is no way a 4 year old would fart and not own up to it. In fact, they insist upon stopping everything to claim it. So adults, be proud, own your farts so I can laugh my ass off when you do it and not have to stiffle my smirks.


christy said...

Try and open the wrong car door?.....WHO would do that? Probably the same person who once actually opened a car door, started to get in and THEN noticed her friend Tracy dying behind the wheel of her real car a few spaces over. HA!

Heres another one....when someone walks into a glass door. I saw a guy do that once and I would pay money to see someone do that again! (The evil streak apparently runs in the family, heh.)

MsShellhorn said...

Oh Jen and I have witnessed someone walking into a glass door many times. Our boss in fact. How are you supposed to respect a man who responds to a fax machine by answering the phone and walks into the glass door to his office constantly? This is the same man who picked an oriental rug from a garbage and put it down in his office.... and left a sub sandwich in his desk drawer for about a week and wondered what the smell was. uh huh... Good times. Goooood times! TIME TO SHRED!!

MsShellhorn said...

And I'm confused as to why this particular piece is written in my honor... is it because you think laughing is cruel? It's not. Lauging is healthy for the heart. It helps you live longer. It makes you prettier. It's contageous, even.
So my friend and I are in her new car at the gas station the other night and this meek little woman approaches my friend's driver side window with some laminated card clearly wanting to sell us something or get money from us some how. She comes up to the window and says, "Do you have a moment - I would like to ask you a question." My friend and I both had our shades on and I just looked at her straight faced and said, "No." This chick's mouth dropped and she had no response. My friend felt bad and said, "sure." As it turns out, she wanted us to give her money for something. Now here's my point - this chick is trying to survive on begging for a living and she had no rebuttal for 'No'. I mean, come on. You gotta be prepared for that one!! I feel as though I give the world tough love and thereby create stronger people in my wake. I'm sure this meek little thing surely went home that night and thought of something to say to the next time she hears 'no'. In her life time of begging, I probably just helped her earn thousands of dollars - free of charge. My life lessons are free of charge, people. Enjoy.

Christie O. said...


i too laugh with/at these chumps, as well as people who fall (i can't help myself). i am sure that they laugh at me too.

by the way, aidan farted when he and his teacher were playing the other day and i didn't know how to handle it. do i ignore it? have him say, "excuse me?" tell him, "excuse you!" or what?? it was his first time meeting his teacher! he farted up a storm!

~Denise~ said...

Oh my, I'm laughing this morning. I've had the fart situation before and the person didn't claim it. When I'm with close family (and a really close friend) I'll let it fly, but I always claim my toots.

I found my way from Christie. Looks like you'll be a joy to read!