Saturday, November 29, 2008

Who the hell does Madonna think she is?

On Wednesday night my husband and I went to the Madonna concert. Or is it called a show? I dunno. Somewhere along the way I think the word "concert" was phased out and the young kids started to call concerts shows. Anyway.

We drove 5 hours to Miami to see her royalty. Why do I call her royalty? Cause my ass only waits for Jesus and royalty for TWO AND A HALF HOURS! Yes, she was 2 1/2 hours late! B-I-O-T-C-H!!!!! Who the hell does she think she is? Who makes 40,000 people wait that long? Nobody puts baby in the corner!!!! I cursed her name the entire time. I bet she was with Rodriguez having some kind of steamy rendezvous. Whore. Damn her for having sex on my watch. She never apologized for being so late and didn't even wish us a Happy Thanksgiving! And there was no band that came on before her...boring.

We actually got to the stadium 15 minutes early. And early never happens for us. So it felt like forever sitting in those hard plastic seats. I got a lot of junk in the trunk and my rear still hurt. After two beers I started to get sleepy so I had to cut myself off from alcohol. I did spot a few people in the crowd actually sleeping.

We were there waiting so long that I got to know my neighbors. There was an old dude and his wife in front of us. He was literally 70 years old no lie. He grew up in Italy and we chatted about that. And next to us was a guy with really long dread locks who danced his ass off the entire time. In the row behind us was three older women with bad face lifts and jumbo lips. Such a broad spectrum of fans? Not something I expected to see at the Madonna concert/show.

I also wasn't expecting to see a concert that was more like a Broadway show on steroids. The set and stage were amazing. Holy crap! Ms. Madge danced her ass off for almost two hours non-stop. Man, she has got a body to die for. Or at least a body to leave your current wife and kids for. She also played guitar for four songs. Who knew she could play guitar? At one point she french kissed a female back up dancer...didn't see that one coming...Madonna never kisses women on stage. I also wasn't surprised that several dancers humped her from behind. Interesting non-the-less. What cracked me up was her charm: "C'mon you mother fuckers, stand up and stop trying to look bored. Put your hands in the air and smell your armpits." The crowd went wild. She called us mother fuckers numerous times as well as bitches.

She has been on the radio for a like a million years. She has reinvented herself like a million times. The lighting was outstanding. The sound was unbeleiveable. Her show was amazing, totally worth waiting for. And she is 50. So who does she think she is? Well just none other than Madonna.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Where do you sit?

Have you ever been in a restaurant and seen two people sitting on the same side of the table? This drives me nuts! Why are they sitting on the same side of the table when there are four chairs at the table? Or a booth made with two benches.

It's so much easier to talk to someone across from you than next to you. Picture this, you turn your head to talk to the person next to you and their cheek is facing forward stuffed with a big mouthful of hamburger. And now you are like 2 inches away from this person chewing their cow and talking into their cheek. Gross! Some things are just not meant to be seen up close.

Are people really this co-dependant that they can't even stand to be apart from each other for one meal? You can still hold hand across the table so don't act like it's a PDA type of thing. I've been in love before but I like a little space between me and my honey. We can play footsie under the table...people who sit next to one another can't play footsie. Who doesn't like footsie?

Another seating issue, people who sit too close to the driver of a car. You know what I'm talking about. A pick-up truck with the passenger sitting right smack next to the driver. "Love" you might call it? I think it is more like "hate" than anything. Why? Cause the passenger can't even wear a seat belt sitting that close to the driver! Nothing says "I hate you" more than your loved one being thrown from a moving vehicle in an accident. Move over you dumb ass! Cuddle when you get to your destination safely.

Monday, November 3, 2008

How much is that sticker worth?

Tomorrow is election day. As if you didn't know. So this is my one political post. It is deep so bare with me. I could talk about the economy, environment, gas prices. But I am going to focus on a truly important question.

Who pays for the "I voted" stickers? Every person gets one who votes right? I be they are like 2 cents a piece. Times a bazillion people. So that could add up to a hefty sum. I'm assuming neither political party flips the bill. Are the tax payers paying for it? If so I want to put my money else where. Who cares about some dumb sticker? It's not like people will see me out in public with my stupid sticker on and think "Oh gee look at Ms. Smarty Pants, she voted." What's this first grade? I'd rather have a gold star sticker anyway.